i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
