You just made me feel so damn special
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
