I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robitsâ€
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