hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
