There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
