I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
