Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
