he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
