Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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