it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
