I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
