Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
All I want is dick and wine.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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