Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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