i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
