My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
