I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
