woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
