We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
