I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
