you guys were way drunker than both of me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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