A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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