WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
