Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
