he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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