I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
