I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
