Rock
Scissors
Fuck
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
