Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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