She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
