i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
