My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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