If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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