Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
