his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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