I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
