I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
