I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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