he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
