Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
