i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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