dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
