I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
