the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she told me i tasted like america
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
