with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Couch. On fire.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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