my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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