In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
