I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
