I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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