if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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