omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
