my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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