On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
