so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
