I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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